Harry Potter and the New History Professor
by NotOliverQueen
Summary: The meeting was going so well (though we all know that's a lie) when Scotland appeared to scream at England. The next thing they all knew was that a small delegation of countries was going to a magic school in Scotland to protect some guy named Harry Potter? Worse, they're going as 15 year olds! (Well, most of them). At that, Prussia regretted his every decision.
1. The Beginning

**Chapter 1 - 5th June 2015**

 **France x Britain, Spain x Romano, Germany x Italy, Canada x Prussia, Denmark x Norway. Sweden x Finland, Austria x Hungary may factor in later. Canon HP couples.**

 **Kinda Anti-Dumbledore for shits and giggles. Anti-Snape.**

 **Scotland: Duncan Kirkland**

 **R. Ireland: Eoghan Kirkland**

 **N. Ireland: Aisling Kirkland**

 **Wales: Iwan Kirkland**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia or Harry Potter and this accounts for the entire story**

* * *

It all began when Scotland appeared in the middle of the World Meeting, shouting obscenities and hitting England, who was far too shocked to really do anything about it.

"- _YOURFAULTYOUFUCKINGTWATYOURFAULTIHATEYOU-"_

England came to his senses and pushed his blasted older brother off him, glaring

"What the bloody hell was that for, you twat!" Scotland said nothing, breathing heavily as he looked around the room of confused nations. Many of them had not really met Scotland and were mostly unaware of the turbulent relationships of the British Isles (France had his own dealings with Scotland, after all, regarding that Auld Alliance of theirs that annoyed England so). England did, after all, represent the United Kingdom for them and so most of the world had no need to deal with Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland, and they, frankly, liked it that way. They had far less work to do than the usual nation and due to their hatred of England, they certainly enjoyed making him suffer by passing on the work to him (though Ireland himself didn't get that benefit, having separated himself from the UK and Wales was, well Wales was just much nicer about it, despite his hatred).

"Read this," Scotland said, handing his brother a parchment letter. England recognised the seal as one from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He sighed.

"Damn it, what do they want now?" He'd cut off ties with his magical world sometime around the end of the second World War – Their Government was corrupt and shutting him out on account of his non-human status, and England just did not have the will to deal with them following the catastrophe he'd just gone through. In any case, he had far more work to deal with. So he left, wiping all memory of his presence from the magical world. Scotland had maintained a presence in the magical world, however, as a powerful wizard from the esteemed Kirkland family with roots going as far back as the days of the Founders, just to keep a check on it as the Ministry wasn't fond of their sort. It'd been the one instance when Scotland was happy to take on the work instead of passing it on to England.

 _Dear Mr D. Kirkland,_

 _As you undoubted must have heard from the Ministry of Magic and Daily Prophet, I believe that the Dark Lord Voldemort has returned. Harry Potter himself witnessed his return, along with the death of fellow classmate, Cedric Diggory. As an old ally, I'd hope you believe the Dark Lords return and would thus aid an old man trying to do some good in the world._

("Blimey he'e laying it on thick")

 _You are well known within the community and are known to have powerful connections internationally and was hoping you could provide some aid at Hogwarts, to protect Harry Potter and help in the fight against Voldemort._

 _Many thanks. I await your response._

 _Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin (first class), Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot._

"Oh bloody hell," England said, face planting on the table.

"Well then" Scotland said, with a manic grin "I'm leaving this for you to sort out. Good thing everyone's here too! See ya little bro!" And with that, Scotland vanished before England could even protest.

"There there, Angleterre" France said from next to him, serious for once as he'd read the letter from over England's shoulder, "I will be happy to help!" England gave a weak smile and everyone literally froze at the strange act of companionship between the two.

"Wh-a-" America said weakly, jaw open. Prussia had even stopped badgering Hungary and Austria (But what he was even doing there, no one could answer).

Evidently to the rest of them, whatever had just occurred was enough for England and France to bypass their lifelong grudge. Wars, after all, were not lightly dealt with.

"Norway, Romania, you should read this," England said, with a sigh "Then I'll explain to the rest of you what is going on"

"The Minister didn't say anything about Voldemort returning," Romania said, looking annoyed. Norway had yet to react but appeared to trying to make the letter combust. Which it did. Five second later.

"I hate wizards," he said in a low voice that scared everyone almost as much as Russia scared everyone. But that statement got everyone reacting. Loudly.

"DID YOU SAY WIZARDS?! IGGY DUDE I TOLD YA, MAGIC AIN'T REAL, STOP SPREADING THIS SHIT BRAH"

"Vee~ Germany? Why does Norway hate magic? Magic is so cool veee~"

It went on, and on.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Germany, of course, got everything on track. "Let them explain."

"Ve~"

"So, many of you are familiar with your magical communities, yes?" England asked, rubbing his forehead. The vast majority of the nations nodded. Mostly, the magical community was ignored, with one country in the general vicinity taking lead for the magical communities because that was just easier when the magical community was such a hassle to deal with and most nations liked ignoring their magical communities, or flat out rejecting their existence like America did (though the Eastern nations tended to like mixing with their magical community). Regardless, they were aware of it and even took care to find out what was going on when they could feel something stir up in their magical worlds, mostly because the pain doubled when it came from them.

"Well, if you remember during the 70s and 80s, there was this Dark Lord, Voldemort. You probably weren't affected directly as Voldemort mainly stayed in the UK but he branched out to various parts of Europe – France, Romania, Norway and Sweden were definitely involved, and Bulgaria. He'd started reaching out the Mafia families in Italy around the time of his defeat."

Romano shivered and Spain put a comforting arm around him. Of course, Romano promptly shoved him off, calling him a 'damned bastard' but he had a teeny tiny, barely noticeable smile on his face that Spain just about caught.

"Yes, I remember. You looked like you were dying," Germany said slowly, "coughing up blood during the meetings before you stopped showing up entirely…" England nodded

"OH YEAH! I remember that Iggy! You fainted at my house once!"

"Yes well _anyway,_ this man, Dumbledore, says he thinks Voldemort is trying to come back. Scotland's been spying around because we don't particularly trust Dumbledore – he's the headmaster of my wizarding school, Hogwarts, and -"

"He had this massive superiority complex, like seriously" France said, grimacing "Doing things for the 'greater good' as if he has right to mess with people's lives. But his hair is _magnifique_ for an old man!"

"ANYWAY, we have reason to believe him about Voldemort. Norway knows the specifics about the dark magic used, but he wasn't entirely killed that year. I've been feeling his power rising for the last few years, minor headaches and such, but last July? He came back and killed one of my students" At this, England's eyes twitched and France gritted his teeth. "Another one of my students, Harry Potter witnessed this. When he was a baby his parents were killed by Voldemort and Harry survived the killing curse somehow and is the reason for Voldemort disappearance 15 years ago. Unfortunately, he's the subject of a prophesy to kill Voldemort 'neither shall live whilst the other survives,' and so Voldemort's prime objective is killing Harry." England ended with his hands clenched in a tight fist – France, Romania and Norway were no better. "Dumbledore requested Scotland's help protecting Harry and he's pawned the job of to me so I'm asking for your help"

""AS THE HERO, I'M ALWAYS WILLING TO HELP!" America said, grinning "I'm in Iggy!" and England couldn't help but groan, despite the show of help.

"I guess I'll come, to keep an eye on America…" Canada was the next to volunteer and France ruffled his hair with a wide beam.

"I will also help" Germany said, which instantly meant both Italians joined up – Veneziano to stay with Germany and Romano to protect his brother from that 'potato bastard'. And, well if Romano was going, there was no way Spain wasn't going to go and Prussia wasn't about to be left out when his two best friends and his brother was going! How unawesome would that be? Japan felt compelled to because of America and China had to go because "everyone's so immature –aru, England needs help keeping everyone in line"

That's where England drew the line.

And so that's how France, Norway, America, Canada, Germany, both Italy's, Spain, Prussia, Japan and China found themselves at England's flat in Westminster, overlooking the Thames, waiting for England, of all people, to show up, about two weeks after the meeting.

England was running about half an hour late, and they realised why when he walked in mid-argument with brunette with thick eyebrows, who looked about 18 and was swearing colourfully.

"Nations, meet my delightful sister, Northern Ireland." He said, in a resigned voice. Arguing with his siblings was always wearing for him and often was just them swearing at him. He usually let it go, on account of how much he'd tormented them in earlier centuries. The other nations were unused to this side of the nation, as he gave as well as he took when arguing with the other nations. Northern Ireland had yet to give up her tirade of swearing, until she noticed France and groaned mid-swear.

"Fookin' bastard"

"Nice to see you too, mademoiselle Ireland," France winked. Northern Ireland was notably unaffected. England on the other hand…

"THAT'S MY SISTER YOU FROG, HAVE YOU NO SHAME-"

"Well, while the prat shouts at Frenchie, I s'pose I'll explain some shit. We talked to Dumbleydoor and come to the solution of England as the History Prof since their current one is some dull ghost that's been teaching since Ireland went there in the 16th century, and he vouches for the dullness. You three," she waved her hand in the general direction of France, Norway and Romania"Are going as teachers things, like France and Norway as join Muggle Studies teachers, and Romania teaching Care of Magical Creatures until the usual teacher gets back, and from then he'd act as his assistant or summat like that. Rest of you lot are gonna get turned into 15 year olds to keep an eye on the student pov or summat cause teachers dunno all the shit going on but whatever, you're transfer students in 5th year, got it?"

They nodded, processing the information (although America didn't look as if he'd processed any of it.)

"And, may I ask, what you are doing, Northern Ireland-san?" Japan asked and she gave a face at that

"Fucking Ireland decided I could do with hanging around England, and get experience dealing with paperwork and stuff on account of Artie going away for the year and me, Scottie and Wales having to pick up the slack. Brothers are stupid" She rolled her eyes "I'll be gone soon, don't you worry"

It was about that time that England finally stopped yelling so he could glare at his younger sister and America and Prussia finally stopped laughing.

"WAIT! We're turning into 15 year olds?!" America asked, panic dawning on his face as he finally processed what had been said. "But why?"

"To blend in with the kids, you idiot! You can't look 19 in 5th year!"

"Will it have any side effects?" China asked and England smiled, glad to have received a sensible question

"No. You will still all effectively be nations, the only change will be in your appearance"

"That is so not awesome…" Prussia groaned, regretting his decision to join up. Although, surely this whole experience could bring up interesting blackmail material?

And so, the nine 15 year old nations, France, Norway, Romania and England found themselves on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

"Remember, human names only" He told them quietly "And if you slip up, the excuse is-"

"Nicknames from the exchange system, and we all know each other from the summer we spent on the programme, yes Arthur, we get it" America said, rolling his eyes. He was ridiculously excited about this whole magic thing, it was so damn cool! "C'mon Mattie, Kiku, let's get a carriage together!" And with that, America ran off, Canada and Japan attempting to follow. Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at the others again.

"Well then, good luck"

* * *

 **Well cheers for reading**


	2. NERF begin their adventure

**Chapter 2 - 8th June 2015**

 **Guest: Thank you! I definitely agree, having read so many of these stories, the whole going shopping thing gets a bit tedious. I'll bring up what pets they have later, and their wand type if it becomes relevant :)**

 **Romania: Vasilica Lupei**

* * *

England had absolutely zero desire to be stuck on a train with nine de-aged nations for seven odd hours. Absolutely none. Especially if it meant he had to deal with France and America for said seven hours too. It's like he was asking for a migraine!

Thus, the nine teenagers got on the train, watched by the four magical nations (even though only Norway, Romania and England actually made up the Magical Trio - France didn't actually delve into the whole magic thing like those three did). Following this, France turned to England to enquire as to why they weren't getting on the train either.

"We're apparating straight to Hogwarts you git, unless you _want_ to sit with them for seven hours," England responded, glaring at the Frenchman. "Anyway, Dumbledore wanted to see us before the students all got to Hogwarts."

"So rude" France sniffed in that oh-so exaggerated manner of his that almost made England want to smile. Almost. He responded angrily as usual. Though Norway and Romania were annoyed at the rivalry between the two, they were somewhat glad things were back to normal.

"Let's just go," Norway said, glaring at the two fighting nations who were, unfortunately, garnering some unwanted attention. England straightened up, glaring at France as if it was all his fault

"Oh _mon dieu_ "

With that, the four of them apparated to Hogsmeade and made the trek toward Hogwarts.

When the castle came into sight, England felt a strong fondness. He had, after all, been there when the Founders built the place, and had helped put the magic into the building. He couldn't wait until he actually entered the grounds and felt the warm blanketing magic of Hogwarts.

"It looks as gloomy as it has always done" France said, rolling his eyes. Well, would think so. His own school was a palace reminiscent of Versailles! But still. The four of them had all been to Hogwarts, Beauxabatons and Durmstrang numerous times, of course.

"Shut it frog, Hogwarts is wonderful!"

France didn't really want to argue when he saw the smile on England's face upon entering the grounds. He settled for rolling his eyes. ' _Silly uncultured Englishmen'._ He really wasn't in the best of moods. He didn't want to spend a year in England. He didn't want to eat English food. He didn't want to teach Muggle Studies. And to top it off, he was _cold._ Damn England and damn Scotland for their _terrible_ weather. But he had promised his help so he was grudgingly putting up with it. To France's knowledge, only Romania had noticed his bad mood and he was grateful at the small pat on the back he'd provided in a show of support. He didn't know Norway had also noticed. This was because Norway just did not care and France was probably better off not knowing that little bit of information.

England led them to Dumbledore's office, the entrance of which was guarded by two griffin statues he remembered personally setting up. He stroked the face of one of the griffins and leant close to it.

"I'm Arthur Kirkland, this time round, okay, don't tell anyone about our status as personifications," he whispered. The statue nodded swiftly and all four nations felt the reassurance of the school's magic. France grudgingly admitted that maybe, just maybe, Hogwarts wasn't the worst place in the world. He just didn't admit it out loud.

The four nations found themselves in Dumbledore's office – a round room with an eclectic mix magical instruments, books, papers and whatnot. As bizarre as it was, it definitely suited Dumbledore.

"Ah, you must be the new staff members," he said, his eyes twinkling as he magiked three more chairs into existence opposite his desk, so they could all sit comfortably. "Mr Kirkland, it's nice to finally meet you after the many stories your brother has provided." If possible, his eyes twinkled more and England's eyes hardened.

"Bloody git" He said, toning down the sibling rivalry, surprisingly. Dumbledore merely laughed, seemingly pleased.

"I'm very glad I could count on the four of you for assistance. Now, these transfers are your charges?"

"Yes, we were training them over summer. Due to the nature of the programme, they will have outside work regarding the muggle world too, in case any questions emerge," Arthur said. They'd come up with this story together and they were certain it was fool proof. It explained why they were at Hogwarts, their paperwork and why they were all so familiar with each other. Dumbledore hmmed and all four nations felt something poking at their minds, and were on sudden alert. Realising he wasn't going to get anywhere with his legilemency, he gave up and pretended as if nothing had happened. Romania suddenly understood why the others didn't trust this man.

"Good, good. I trust you're all prepared for the year?" The four nodded "I shall escort you to your lodgings then. The house elves have already taken your trunks. I took the liberty of putting the four of you together, with a shared common room. Separate rooms of course" Arthur and Francis both sighed in relief – sharing a room with each other would have been horrendous. Of course, Lukas and Vas shared their view – they certainly didn't want to share a room with those two arguing assholes. It'd be worse if they finally sorted out their sexual tension because that'd be _awkward_ to walk in on. Romania and Norway shivered simultaneously, earning strange looks from France, England and Dumbledore.

They were on the third floor corridor, with the painting of the Knights of the Round Table guarding their rooms.

"Tell the knights your chosen password and from then on, only you and those who know the password will be able to access your rooms. There will be a staff meeting just before dinner, at five, in the Staff Room, please try to be on time." Dumbledore smiled and walked off, smiling too himself strangely.

"Asgard" Norway told the Knights before the four nations could even discuss the password. The Knights nodded obediently, much to the chagrin of England.

"Bloody Viking!"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **I'd appreciate if you could give some ideas for what house to put the de-aged nations in :) Thanks**


	3. De-Aged Nations on a long-ass train ride

**Chapter 3 – 10th June 2015**

 **Marzue: Thanks! Brilliant ideas and definitely taking into account the Japan and Romano, not entirely sure yet for USA but we'll see. On account of side effects…well, lets just say England isn't always right :)**

* * *

The ride to Hogwarts was…uneventful? Well, uneventful for the nations on the train. Certainly, they were used to their antics.

There had been one particularly chaotic moment where China had taken his wok out to wack a certain rude pureblood. This effectively scared Malfoy and his goons off, but it also had the unprecedented effect of scaring the shit out of the Italy's, who both ran to the other end of the train. Okay, maybe it wasn't unprecedented. Veneziano and Romano were complete and utter cowards, after all. Spain had cheerily made his way over to collect Romano whilst Germany grumpily followed, again confused at how Veneziano had ever managed to fight off Turkey when he was scared of literally everything. When he got the Italy's, he found that Spain had managed to calm both down with tomatoes (though Romano took extra pleasure in kicking Germany, even if his efforts didn't do much).

Naturally, their commotion had attracted attention, but only Germany was aware of the students watching them as they walked back to their carriage. Spain and Veneziano were as oblivious as always, whilst Romano was too busy calling the other three 'bastards' in typical Romano fashion.

"You really shouldn't use that sort of language around the younger kids, you know." A bushy haired teenager stood in front of them, frowning. Behind her was a tall red haired teenager with the same red-gold Prefect badge pinned to his chest.

"What do I care" Romano grumbled, glaring at the girl.

"You don't have to be so rude Romano!" Spain chided, still with that stupid smile on his face. Romano really wanted to do something about that smile. Maybe hit him. Or kiss him. Nah. Nope. Romano definitely wanted the first one. He promptly punched Spain's arm to get rid of the disturbing thought.

"Whatever," he said, grossing his arms and turning his glare to Spain, before pushing past the two prefects to stalk back to the carriage.

"Hey Roma! Wait up!" Spain called out, rushing to follow him. "Excuse me, _señorita_ "

Hermione looked a bit hassled from being pushed by both Spain and Romano, and turned to the other two with a slight glare.

"I SURRENDER!" Italy screamed, noticing the glare and promptly hid behind Germany, waving a white flag. Naturally, this shocked Hermione out of her glare and Ron laughed.

"So, I take it you're one of those new transfers?" she asked, ignoring the Italy's reaction.

"Ja" Germany nodded "I am Ludwig Beilschmidt und this is my friend, Feliciano Vargas"

"Ve~ friends" Feliciano nodded enthusiastically, beaming eye to eye. Except, Hermione noted, perturbed, his eyes remained closed.

"Why are his eyes-"

"It's an Italian thing" Ludwig said, uncomfortable as he was unsure how to answer. It was, more specifically a Northern Italian thing, exclusive to Veneziano, but he couldn't very well explain that.

"Right" Hermione said, confused. "Well, if you need any help, or anything, I'll be around"

"Danke" Germany said, and grabbing Veneziano's arm to drag him away.

* * *

And then there was the matter of Japan, USA and Canada.

Somehow they'd found themselves in a carriage with Slytherin 5th years. Said Slytherin 5th years were not happy.

"I can't believe you haven't heard of Baseball, it's like the most amazingest sport America's ever invented!" America didn't realise that the Slytherin's didn't appear to like him or his muggle ways. "Right, Mattie?"

"Alfred, you know I prefer Hockey"

"You're such a Canadian" Alfred sighed dramatically "Why can't you be as awesome as me! We have FREEDOM!"

"Sorry, I can't hear you over our free healthcare"

"Low blow Mattie" He shook his head sadly, after a minutes silence.

"Well, he isn't wrong" Japan said. America turned to him, betrayed.

"WHAT THE HELL DUDE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE!"

Japan shook his head sadly.

The Slytherin's watched in horror – is this what American's and muggleborns out of England were like? They didn't like it at all. Of couse, not all Slytherin's had the same narrow minded view as this particular group. America, Canada and Japan just had the unfortunate luck of being seated with Crabbe, Goyle and Millicent Bulstrode, who were waiting for Pansy and Malfoy to come back from their Prefect meeting. They didn't get the chance to meet those two as America was distracted by the sight of Spain running after Romano, and promptly left the carriage to follow. Japan and Canada weren't entirely willing to let America go off on his own either.

"Thank Merlin that's over" Millicent Bulstrode said, huffing as she glared at the backs of the three transfers.

"What's a baseball?" Crabbe asked, suddenly. Sometimes Millie was not entirely sure what she was doing, hanging out with this lot.

* * *

Returning to the carriage the majority of the Nations were situated (along with one Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood), Romano plopped himself in the corner and glared at whoever had the misfortune of sitting opposite him – the girl he vaguely remembered as Loony? Lovegood. She was completely unphased by his glaring and, to his surprise, stared right back at him.

"You don't need to be so sad Romano~" Spain said, squeezing himself next to Romano and putting his arm around his shoulders.

"Stop it Tomato Bastard, leave me alone."

"I don't know why you bother with him, Toni, such a grumpy little Italian" Prussia said, rolling his eyes. Harry didn't want to voice his opinion, but he kinda agreed with the kid with the red eyes. That Italian was aggressive. But before Romano could respond with his signature swears, Spain turned to glare at his best friend. Strangely, Harry noted, there was an angry aura surrounding him.

"What did you say about mi Romano?" Spain asked, and to Harry's horror, an axe had appeared in his hands.

"Oh cool it Toni, I was kidding" Prussia rolled his eyes and Harry just couldn't fathom how he could be so blasé about someone threatening him with an axe? These transfers were completely bizarre.

"Gilbert, what did you do" Ludwig asked, appearing at the door, sounding resigned instead of shocked or maybe a bit worried like Harry expected. Things just kept getting weirder.

"Damned Tomato Bastard" Romano grumbled quietly, but he didn't even look angry, just embarrassed. That seemed to be enough for Antonio who was immediately back to his cheerful self.

"Ve~ fratello, what happened? You look so red!" The other Italian appeared, sitting on Ludwig's lap on account of no more seats being available. When the carriage made itself bigger to accommodate the large group of people, he made no move to switch to an actual seat.

"Si! He looks just like a little tomate" Spain nodded, his arms around the Italian again. This time, Romano did not shrug him off. Luna watched the entire exchange quite happily and Prussia was mildly disturbed to see the look on her face that reminded him of Hungary.

"You western nations are so weird ~aru" the Chinese one whose name Harry had missed said, rolling his eyes. So far, he was his favourite – Anyone who'd wack Malfoy with a wok would immediately make it into Harry Potter's good books. In any case, he did agree with him, even if he didn't know what he meant by 'western nations' but these lot were bizarre.

* * *

Back in the castle, the four magical nations were running late to the staff meeting. Not that Norway was particularly fussed. He just really enjoyed watching England get increasingly high strung.

"Now that our new recruits have arrived, we can begin," Dumbledore said, smiling for some reason.

"Hem hem," the lady with the garishly pink robes coughed (or something), interrupting before Dumbledore could even begin the meeting.

Scotland had told England about her when he found out she was going to be working at Hogwarts. Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, he'd said. And she was one mean bitch.

"Yes, Professor Umbridge?"

"The Ministry was not informed that you required four new professors," she said, her eyes fixed on Romania. Really, people just couldn't look past the fang, could they? "And certainly, they were not ministry approved"

"The need for them was quite last minute and the Kirkland's are old friends of mine who were willing to help out. I'm sure you will have no problem with them. Professor Lupei is himself an expert; we have in on loan from the Romanian Dragon Enclosures! Surely you can see how he will make a beneficial contribution to the school"

Umbridge did not look impressed but made no protest. For the moment.

"Nu-mi place această femeie," **(I don't like this woman)** Romania muttered. Norway snorted in amusement

"Son sens de la mode me donne envie de pleurer," **(Her sense of fashion makes me want to weep)** France added, shaking his head morosely. Even England smiled at that.

"Pardon?" Umbridge asked, fake smile plastered to her face.

"They were just talking about how much they loved your robes." Norway said blankly, sitting down next to a man with greasy black hair and a hooked nose. Umbridge looks confused but said nothing to respond.

"Now, as you can see we have five new members of staff…"

Alas, Norway was too bored to concentrate during the meeting. World meetings were usually entertaining on account of no one actually got any work done. Now, sitting through an actual meeting, he realised how grateful he was for the lack of work at those meetings. He could see France opposite him dozing off and he couldn't be sure if England was actually paying attention, or merely looked as if he was. In any case, he and Romania were playing noughts and crosses with magic.

* * *

It was a relief to the nations all when they finally got off the train. None of them were used to such long journeys on public transport, always using private jets or cars when travelling to other nations, thus the journey had dragged longer than usual. But this could no nothing to curb America's excitement. Hell, it was even rubbing off on Prussia, even if he insisted that "magic is cool, but it's not as awesome as the awesome me, or my awesome beer".

"First years and Transfers to the boats!" A voice called out. Many of the older years turned in interest, as they did not recognise the man's voice, and paled when they saw him – His red eyes and fangs terrified them. The nations however, recognised the voice and somewhat enthusiastically tried to follow the voice. "First years and trans -Toward the lake, Alfred, you're going in the wrong direction!" Alfred looked sheepish and turned too Romania with a sly grin. " _Prost_ " **(FOOL).**

"Go on, get in the boats, two of you in each one. Four if you're a firstie! Hurry up"

The nations all got on the boats and when Romania was satisfied that all the first years had gathered, ignoring the looks he was getting from them, he set forward and led the group to their first sighting of Hogwarts.

"WOW" Said Alfred, wide eyed. Castles like this were not the norm in his country, and Canada agreed.

"Meh, even Austria has nicer castles" Prussia said "But it's pretty awesome!"

* * *

They gathered in the Great Hall, Romania handing them over to a stern Scottish lady who they found out was called Professor McGonagall and they were gathered in the Great Hall.

"Woah- the hat sings! THAT'S SO AWESOME!" Alfred said in an excited not-exactly-a-whisper.

"Beilschmidt, Gilbert"

Prussia strolled to the stool, oozing confidence, naturally. From the teachers table, England rolled his eyes, whilst France smiled fondly.

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Beilschmidt, Ludwig"

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Carriedo, Antonio Fernandez"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Honda, Kiku"

"SLYTHERIN"

"Jones, Alfred, F."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Wang, Yao"

People muttered at the 15 year old carrying a Panada Bear with him, but Yao merely had to glare for them to stop. By now they'd all heard about how he'd hit Malfoy with wok.

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Williams, Matthew"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Vargas, Feliciano Veneziano"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Vargas, Lovino Romano"

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Is it just me, or were you not expecting Mattie to be a Gryffindor?" England whispered to France whilst Dumbledore spoke. France rolled his eyes.

"You underestimate my Mathieu. He once spent three hours arguing with Alfred and made him cry," France sniffed, clapping proudly for his former colony.

"That's still not very Gryffindor of him!"

"Merde, Arthur, you are too high-strung"

"AND ALSO WHEN THE BLOODY HELL DID THAT HAPPEN AND WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT IT?"

* * *

"Is that a bear?" Hermione asks as Canada sits. He nods, patting Kumajirou's arms around his neck as he'd wrapped himself around Canada's back.

"His name is Kuma-something" Canada says, eyeing the food that's appeared on the table with distrust.

"Who are you?" Kuma says, surprising- well, everyone.

"I'm C- Matthew!" Canada sighed, exasperated. Though it's not as if he doesn't forget Kumachuno's name either.

"Hey Mattie, there aren't any hamburgers!" Alfred said loudly, cutting off Hermione's next question about the bear, poking Canada's shoulder repeatedly"Matttieeeeeeeeee I want hamburgeerrsssss"

"Whats a hamburger?" Ron asked, surprised that anyone could just ignore all the food in front of them.

"ONLY THE BEST FOOD IN THE WORLD!" He said enthusiastically "Totally 100% pure American goodness!"

"Alfred, just eat the English food" Canada said. He just wanted America to try it to make sure it wouldn't poison him. He would never forget that time Prussia ate one of England's scones and passed out, and he was one hundred percent not willing to take the risk. Luckily for him, America always insisted on being the hero.

America turned to him, looking almost scared, and took a bite of the chicken.

"Hey! This is actually good!" And promptly devoured like three plates of the food.

Unfortunately, Italy did not have the same reaction.

"VE~ LUDDY SAVE ME! THIS ENGLISH FOOD IS DISGUSTING!" Italy had dashed from the Hufflepuff table, right into Germany's lap and had been loud enough to garner everyone attention.

At the staff table, Romania and Norway laughed as France nodded furiously at Italy's statement, whilst England fumed. Bloody Italians were too used to their pasta to know what good food was! Of course, he was ignoring the fact that Italian food was delicious and that he just had no culinary ability.

Romano had the same thoughts as his brother. He just didn't react in quite the same way.

"Your last name is Vargas?" One of the Slytherin asks with interest. Romano noted the hint of fear in his eyes and realised why he's asking.

"Yes."

"Wait, why is that important?" Prussia asks, not making the link. Romano would like to think it was because Prussia's a dumbass, but really, he just didn't know about his links to the Mafia - Only Veneziano and Spain did.

"His family heads the Mafia" The same kid responds and Romano grins. Prussia looks at Romano, impressed.

"Huh, turns out you're not completely unawesome!"

"Shut up Potato Bastard."

The food disappeared and Dumbledore began his speech.

"We have five new members of staff, as you can see. First, Professor Umbridge, who will kindly be teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts." Norway rolled his eyes at the woman. She'd certainly not made the best impression when she'd reacted as she did to Romania's appearance. Romania acted unperturbed, regarding her as an insignificance in his life, but the others knew his insecurities and would be damned if they allowed this toad faced bitch to crush Romania's spirit. "We also have Professor Kirkland"- England gave a small wave and Alfred whooped loudly from the Gryffindor table

"Go Iggy!" Luckily for Arthur, Matthew promptly clamped his hands over Alfred's mouth.

"Yes, yes. He will be replacing Professor Binns, who had decided it is about time to – move on, as they say." This announcement was met with thunderous applause that Arthur really wasn't expecting. Perhaps Binns really was as bad as Ireland said. "Professor Burbage has taken a year of leave this year, and will be replaced by Professors Bondevik and Bonnefoy, from Norway and France respectively. And finally, Professor Hagrid is away on leave, and Professor Lupei, an expert from the Romanian Dragon Enclosures, has agreed to replace Hagrid until his return. Professors Kirkland, Bondevik, Bonnefoy and Lupei are the four in charge of this year's transfer programme, so if you've any questions, go to them. And now-" Just as Dumbledore was about to dismiss the students, Umbridge interrupted. And her speech infuriated anyone who listened and understood. Alfred wasn't listening, but he could tell it was bad from the look on Arthur, Francis, Lukas and Vasilica's face.

"Hey dude, you understand what she was saying?" He asked Matthew who shakes his head

"Oh, no I was daydreaming about Hockey and pancakes." Alfred smiled fondly and ruffled his hair.

"You're so Canadian, brah"

Yes Alfred. No shit.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**


	4. Inevitable Howler & Alfred loves TSwift

**Chapter 4 – 14th June 2015**

 **Honestly, I know the timelines I messed up.**

 **Guest: dw, got you covered! Moldova is in my plan :P**

 **Belgium: Emma Dubois**

* * *

The next morning came and the nations were greeted with a lovely surprise. Food from their own countries! Apparently the House elves had found out about the transfer students preferences for non-English food and had done their best to accommodate.

And so Spain was at the Hufflepuff table, happily eating all the churros he could possibly could. So busy was he with his churros that he didn't notice the girl he was talking to, was flirting with him. Over at the Slytherin table however, Romano did.

"Who does she think she is?" He spoke to no one in particular, stabbing his panino as he glowered at that _oblivious_ stronzetto **(little shit).**

"Lovino, you are being so totally unawesome right now, just go over and show her whose boss!" Prussia interjected with a mouthful of liverwurst. And that's exactly what he did.

"Hey bastardo, make room for me." He didn't bother noticing the looks he was getting from the Hufflepuffs on account of his green and silver tie.

"Romano! Did you come to say hi? It feels like I haven't seen you in forever!" Toni was as enthusiastic as ever and Romano allowed the hug in that he didn't shake Spain off. Of course, this just made Spain happier. Feli (who'd been running late) arrived at the table and joined the hug and that's about when Romano had enough because dammit those two were just too touchy-feely for him!

"Ve~Fratello! How nice of you to join us! Oh look, they have cornettos! Ve~"

"Er, what's a Slytherin doing on the Hufflepuff table?" The girl asks, annoyed that she'd lost the Spaniard's attention.

"Lovi's saying hi to me!" Spain said cheerfully, hugging the moody Italian again and well, once again, Romano let him. Not because of the girl or anything. "My little henchman is so cute~" And so Romano hit Spain because, really?!

"I'm not your henchman Antonio, get a grip!"

"Are you too…?" The girl watched the two and had this funny feeling that her flirting had been for nought. Spain didn't understand what she meant because she didn't bother finishing the sentence, but Lovi nodded, rolling his eyes as Toni as he stole one of his churros. That damned Spanish bastard was entirely too oblivious for his own good.

* * *

"Hey Mattie look! We have Iggy first!" Alfred waved his timetable in front of his brother enthusiastically

"I know Alfie, I have the same timetable"

"Why do you call Professor Kirkland, Iggy?" Ron asked

"Uh because I TOTALLY can! He hates it so much!" Alfred replied happily eating his bacon before turning to his brother, looking almost disgusted. "That's a lot of maple syrup"

"It's enough"

"Nah but brah, you're not even eating pancakes with it!"

"…I know what I'm doing Alfred!"

"So.." Hermione began, garnering America's attention "How is it that you two are twins if he's Canadian and you're from the USA. And how do you know the new professors so well?"

"Ha! It's totally messed up dude, like totally. So the mum's a French Canadian lady, right, only mum and dad get divorced when we're like, three years old! So mum takes Mattie to live up in Canadia or whatever, and I lived with dad in New York! Totally the best city in the world, although we moved around the country a lot; Cali's pretty cool too. And my dad's a family friend of the Kirklands so I was always there to annoy Iggy! And my mum is Professor Bonnefoy's sister but he's like French French, cause he totally didn't go to live in Canadia like his sister." If the students noticed the shift in Alfred's accent, they didn't comment on it

"It's Canada," Mattie sighed, basically just drinking his maple syrup. "We need to go now anyway, don't want to be late for Arthur's first lesson"

"Ugh, fine"

* * *

Arthur's first class was Gryffindor and Slytherin fifth years, meaning he had an annoying American, an equally annoying Prussian, a moody Italian and a Canadian he often forgot existed first thing. Oh and then there was the whole Gryffindor vs Slytherin rivalry thing, which he found utter bollocks. He himself had been a Slytherin.

"Right, so as far as I know, the only thing you've been taught so far, is goblin rebellions, right?" Arthur asked, getting straight to business when everyone had gotten into class. For those actual Hogwarts students, the change in class room was surprising. There were posters on the walls – many of which were muggle – and a world map at the front. The class nodded and Arthur sighed. "Well then, who knows the origins of magic?"

The class was enraptured by his lesson, especially as they'd never experienced a good history lesson before. But even the nation students were listening. Apparently Arthur was actually a good teacher! But the lesson was disrupted by a ringing noise.

"Er" Arthur was confused as he looked around the room.

"That is your phone, Iggy," Alfred deadpanned, because really, how did Arthur just forgot like that?

"OH, of course, one second." His phone was on the desk behind him and he was confused as to why his boss was calling him. "Hello?"

"WHERE DID YOU GO ARTHUR? WHY DID YOU GO? YOU COULD HAVE WARNED ME-" David Cameron was shouting and he sounded panicked.

"Is that your boss?" Prussia asked, laughing. England nodded, sending him a glare.

"I left you a message, there wasn't much time. I have my siblings replacing me anyway, so it's not as if the work isn't going to get done."

"That's the problem! Your siblings are half rubbish at the work and I'm 99% sure they're doing it just to screw me over because they hate us, especially with the whole referendum thing, and Aisling, well, she scares me, frankly."

"Well I can't come back! I'll talk to them, but I'm busy right now." He hung up his phone before the Prime Minister could respond, sighing as he saw the looks from the class.

"How is that working in here?" Hermione asked immediately because, to her knowledge, electronics didn't work in Hogwarts; the magic screwed with the technology.

"Magic doesn't screw with electronics, wizards are just prissy about using muggle tech except for when it suits them; you've notice that radios and electric guitars work, right? You just got to know what you're doing and get past the wards to actually prevent electronics from working," he said, flipping his phone in the air. Which was a pretty bold move, considering it was an iPhone and the floors were concrete.

"So…if I got my parents to send my phone in, you could get it to work?" Lavender asked slowly, realisation creeping upon all the muggle raised students in his class. He hesitated, realising he probably shouldn't have disclosed that information.

"I don't know how Dumbeldore would take it, but theoretically, I could do that," he answered

"But what about charging? There are no electronic plugs!" Dean asked, wide eyed. He was damn excited because if this happened, he wouldn't have to wait till Christmas to catch up on his TV shows and movies.

"Magic cables" Arthur shrugged. Dean turned to Seamus, excited.

"Dude! We're marathoning Lord of the Rings when mum sends over my laptop." Seamus nodded his head vigorously.

"Wait, there's no wifi round here…" Hermione said, annoyed that such a little thing could impede on something glorious.

"Hermione, do you honestly think that I'd have worked out a way to use technology in this bloody castle and not gotten wifi? I used to work for the Prime Minister and I had a few friends set up a connection around the area, even though they thought it just an abandoned area of ruins."

And so, by the end of the day, everyone knew two things about Arthur Kirkland:

1\. That he was a bloody good teacher

2\. That he was able to get muggle technology to work at Hogwarts. (Though the wizard raised remained confused about this).

And for that, Ron was slightly annoyed at the man, because Hermione was literally raving about him and even Harry appeared to have heart eyes for the man.

* * *

Romania was having the time of his life with his Third Year Care of Magical Creatures class. It was Hufflepuff and Slytherin, and he had Uni with him – he'd convinced England to part with his magical friends to make for a pretty cool first lesson, and he'd judged correctly, the class couldn't keep their eyes off the unicorn. But that wasn't what made Romania's day.

It was the group of Slytherin's, featuring a Bulstrode and Parkinson, calling the muggleborn Helena Keller, a mudblood. And no, it's not what it sounds like. Because Romania had just found his favourite student in young Helena Keller, who whipped around to glare at the two Slytherin girls, bought her hand up, licked her palm and wiped it on the two girls.

"Got mud on your face, you big disgrace, somebody better out you back in your place," she sang slowly as the two girls shrieked. The rest of the muggleborns in the class, (including those in Slytherin) watched with interest and promptly joined in with the stomping and chorus. Romania had been involved in magic nearly his whole existence on earth, but he'd truly experienced something magical here, and he couldn't wait to tell Norway. Oh and the other two. He wished he had one of Japan's cameras on him. At the end of the class, he held Helen back, and she was nervous, worried she'd be in trouble.

"5 points, Helen," he said, knowing he probably shouldn't be encouraging such behaviour, but he didn't care enough. "Absolutely wonderful, what you did!" She beamed at him, and skipped back to the castle and he just felt pure pride.

* * *

When it came to dinner, France was slightly miffed at how much everyone seemed to like England.

"It's not a competition, Francis," Norway said, eating his Svinekoteletter happily (he wans't about to let France and England ruin his wonderful food after the last few days of English food).

About then, an owl flew in with a howler. Everyone gaped at it, wondering who it was for, and laughing at the poor soul. They didn't expect it to go to the teachers table. And they didn't expect it to go to Professor Bonnefoy.

" _Helloo Francis! It's Emma. I wasn't sure how to contact you, so I asked Duncan and he gave me these red letters! Anyway, I'm writing because I FOUND A LOOPHOLE YOU FUCKER! I'M GETTING THOSE WATERLOO COINS AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING SO SUCK ON THAT BROTHER_!" **[1]**

England, Norway and Romania were, well I'd say laughing but giggling seems more appropriate, even though they knew this probably wasn't the best idea Belgium had ever had. She'd started the letter at a World Meeting so, naturally, the rest had wanted to get involved.

" _HEY ARTIE!_ " A Scottish voice boomed " _Your boss is deadweight. I don't like him_."

" _Kiku…tell Sadik…you like me…more than him…"_

" _NUH UH Kiku like me more! Tell him"_

" _ANIKI YOUR BREASTS BELONG TO ME DA-ZE! COME BACK SOON SO I CAN CLAIM YOUR BREASTS!_

You know, general world meeting nonsense made worse by the fact Germany was not there to control what was going on. Speaking of, Ludwig was in the process of banging his head on the table, much to the chagrin of China, who was sitting next to him. Mind, China was more concerned about South Korea's words than Germany hitting his head.

"Aiyah, they're so immature ~aru," and China got the strangest urge to join Germany. He decided to go to the Slytherin table and hit Prussia with his wok instead – he'd learnt from Hungary that it was an effective method of calming oneself down. And honestly, the school just got another reason to be scared of him.

The letter finally went up in smoke and France, well he hadn't recovered from Belgium's comments and left the room in a huff, everyone hearing him complaining about 'ungrateful little sisters.' Kiku on the other hand, was at the Slytherin table, blushing a bright red with Prussia's arms around his shoulders as the Prussian laughed.

"Sadik and Heracles are fighting over you, how unawesome is that! Kesesese~"

"I like them both equally, why wont the leave me be?"

* * *

Following dinner that night, the group of nations convened in NERF's living room space (the NERF acronym courtesy of America), for a mini meeting.

"Okay, can I start?" America said, but the continued before anyone else replied "Right, I'm gonna start. This Umbridge woman has GOT to go! She's already got Harry in detention because she's refusing to believe Moldy's return and she's not even teaching magic! England, we're literally reading the dullest book ever for the whole two hours!" he groaned. Those in Slytherin and Gryffindor who'd already experienced Umbridge's class, shivered simultaneously. France frowned.

"This is your Ministry's doing," he said and England rolled his eyes, nodding

"Of course I know that."

"That woman is a monstrosity," Norway said "I'm half tempted to sic troll on her."

"I agree with Norway" Japan said.

"No, lets just see how it pans out. Now we're working on getting muggle tech here the students are sure to be more creative!" Romania interrupted, his eyes gleaming "we just have to keep Umbridge from finding out; I don't think she particularly like muggles either"

England smiled

"Yes, we can have a lot of fun with this."

"Can I hit her with my wok?" China asked. England almost said yes.

* * *

France and Norway's muggle studies class was small enough to fit students from across the fifth year, and they'd even fit in the student nations. All nine of them had a free period in time for Muggle Studies, so England had made them all go. For this, Norway was grateful. He had something hilarious planned and America would be the perfect guinea pig.

"Hello class. I am Lukas," he said, with a small wave.

The students looked around the room, intrigued by the sheer muggleness of it; there were movie posters, books stacked across the room, a projector, a dvd player and stuff they couldn't even name!

"And I am Francis," he smiled and some of the students sighed in unison.

"Today, I have with me a lie detector." Norway said, lifting the machine from behind his desk, "It's mainly used by the police for obvious reasons. We will demonstrate it, before asking you how it works. Alfred?"

"OH YES! I'm the Hero!" He swaggered to the front of the room and sat at the desk, letting Norway connect him to the machine as France moved over to Prussia.

"Would you like to do the honours, mon ami?" he asked the Prussian and Gilbert's eyes lit up.

"Okay, who wants to ask a question?" Norway asked as Alfred sat, like an excited puppy, but he looked a little less excited when Norway let Prussia ask the question.

"Is Jay Z really your favourite artist?" he asked and America nodded immediately

"Yes, obviously." You gotta hand it to him, he was a pretty damn good liar. Then again, all nations were.

"Lie" Norway said and Romano giggled…? (Spain would ask him about it later).

"Nah, it's clearly busted."

"Is it?" Prussia asked, barely holding in his laughter "Or is your favourite artist really Taylor Swift?" The muggleborns in the class (and there were a surprisingly large number, on account of it being an easy pass – well except Hermione), laughed as Alfred scoffed and was again, shown to be lying.

"Alright fine! She is," he said, crossing his arms and glaring at Norway, before leaning forward slightly "She makes me feel things…ya know!"

"She makes ALL of us feel things!" Germany said, banging his fists on the table.

* * *

 **[1] theguardian DOT com / business** **/shortcuts/2015/jun/10/euro-coin-row-france-wins-the-battle-belgium-wins-the-war**

 **hehe, guess where I got that last scene from?**


	5. Puberty & Taylor Swift part 2

**Chapter 5- 22nd June** **2015**

As much as China disliked England and France and America and Italy, and - well, you get the message, he was still grateful for the opportunity to spend the year at Hogwarts. At least that's what he'd thought when he'd first gotten on the train. A year away from his family equated to a well needed break where he wasn't accosted by that bundun **(idiot)** , South Korea constantly, Taiwan wasn't rebelling at every possible moment, he didn't have to fear for his life when North Korea was around, Hong Kong wasn't drawing inappropriate pictures and Vietnam … well, again, you get the message. But better than this, he'd have a year away from that creep, Russia. So yes, in some convoluted way, China thought that a year with this group of nations in a magic school in England would make for a perfect getaway. Oh how wrong he was.

Number 1 in his list of problems, was his roommate. Now, China didn't particularly have anything against Germany, but he hated China almost as much as Japan did! **[1]** But even that was a minor problem when compared to waking up, going to the bathroom and looking in the mirror to see acne on his forehead. Acne. China had _spots_ on his forehead.

"AIYAHH!"

* * *

England was happily eating cereal for breakfast, happy because France was running late and was not there to ruin his morning, when he got a letter from his sibling. A normal letter; they had the sense not to send him a Howler (although it was Scotland who gave Belgium the Howler in the first place).

 _To Artie Farty (and whoever intercepts this letter),_

This naturally resulted in a raised eyebrow and Arthur looked at the ruffled feathers of the owl in front of him, and frowned. He supposed it was a good thing Scotland anticipated this, because Arthur sure as hell hadn't and now he could warn the others.

 _I hope you're enjoying yourself at Hogwarts cause I sure as hell am not enjoying myself replacing you. How the flying fuck you manage to deal with these World Meetings is beyond me! And according to the Swiss bastard…Vash? Something like that, anyway, according to him, you've got the worst of them with you! Laddie I do not regret pawning this job off to you one bit_

 _Anyway, the point of this letter is that I've taken up post with the Ministry of Magic again, so you need anything from them, you go through me and I'll get that Fudge man to do whatever. Ash_ **[Northern Ireland]** _and Wanny_ **[Wales]** _are talking turns for the World Conference and dealing with your boss because I have no desire to EVER do that again. Nope._

 _Hate ya forever laddie,_

 _Your older brother, Duncan._

Arthur didn't have time to respond when a teenage China barrelled into the Great Hall and starting attacking him with his wok – something England had thought he'd never have to deal with again since the Opium Wars.

"WHATAREYOU-BLOODYGIT-GERROF-"

* * *

It had taken the dual effort of Romania and Norway to pry China off England and soon enough, they were back in their room, France giggling in the corner at the welts England sported and the spots on China's forehead, whilst England sat and glared at an also glaring China.

"So," Norway started, pacing the room. How he appeared so unamused escaped Romania and France. "So," he repeated and China changed the focus of his glare to the Norwegian.

"Wo hun ne" **(I hate you)** China cursed, his grip on his Wok tightening. Romania broke into a new fit of giggles when he noticed England flinch.

"Okay, so I MIGHT have messed up the spell a little bit," England finally said, crossing his arms angrily. He really hated admitting he was wrong.

"Might have?" France asked "You gave China acne! Ohonhonhon you messed up Angleterre!"

"Magic it away," China said, grumpily, but yelped as he noticed England get his wand out. "NOT YOU!"

"Excuse me?! My magic is perfectly acceptable, I'll have you know!"

"Your magic also gave me spots! Norway can do it," China huffed and England rolled his eyes, watching as Norway cast a spell to make the spots disappear.

"This doesn't reverse the effects of England's spell, just removing the acne. Undoing the spell is complicated and time consuming and we won't be able to redo it for at least a week, so you are just going to have to deal with it if it happens again," Norway said after the pink light emitted from his wand hit China's forehead.

"You mean I might actually have to go through puberty?" China groaned and face palmed "I didn't even have to go through that when I WAS a teenager!"

* * *

Elsewhere in the school, the three nations sitting at the Slytherin table were laughing at what had occurred merely 10 minutes previously, regarding China, his wok and England.

"Kesesesese that was so awesome, ja, it was almost as awesome as the awesome me and my awesome beer kesesese."

"Don't you ever get tired of talking about yourself?" Malfoy asked, looking at Prussia in disgust – He has the (mis?)fortune of being seated next to the nation and roomed with him and the last week had given him a giant migraine that he just could not shake.

"You're kidding, right, me? Get tired of myself? Please! You just lack the awesome to understand!" Beside Romano, a dark haired Slytherin snorted into a hand, attempting to hide how funny he found this guy insulting Malfoy. Pansy Parkinson however, caught it, and glared in her usual prissy manner.

"Merlin, Nott, of course _you'd_ find freak funny," she said, turning her nose up at him.

"Did you just call the awesome me, a freak? Hahahahahahahhh oh my, English people are so funny." He wouldn't admit it, but even Romano cracked a smile at that. He really didn't like these people. He had to remind himself of why he was here; keep his brother safe from the Potato Bastard. But aside from that, Romano was so up for messing with some assholes if he was going to be stuck here, and even Japan found himself in somewhat agreement, when Prussia bought up the matter later in the day.

"I do not usually condone such things"

"Ah, live a little Keeks! Malfoy's an asshole! You heard the way he was talking shit bout Vas cause of his fang, and all that about muggleborns! AND he had the nerve to call the awesome me a freak, aha, he has it coming!"

"Please, do not call me that." Japan looked vaguely scared by his involvement in this trio, because even Romano looked vaguely threatening when he rubbed his hands together like that. Apparently Conquistador Spain had taught him the art of looking really scary even though we all know Romano's really not the scary one. Unless it has something to do with the mafia presence in his country. Japan shook his head; he really didn't understand how the mafia came from one of the most cowardly nations he knew.

Regardless, the unlikely trio came together to formulate a perhaps brilliant, if Prussia had a say, prank on Malfoy and his minions.

Unfortunately, Germany got caught up in the whole thing, which Romano didn't actually find unfortunate, but regardless, the German was yelling at his idiot older brother for his stupidity.

"It wasn't even a good prank, dummkopf" **(stupid)** Germany raged, covered in the bright red gloop Prussia had intended for his unawesome housemate. "And you, Kiku! I expected better," he sighed, shaking his head "My dummkopf brother has clearly corrupted you!"

"Jajaja Luddy, whatever, now what were you even doing with Malfoy?" Prussia asked, ignoring Germany's ranting. Japan, at least, had the grace to look ashamed, but Romano was too busy revelling in the glee of having caught the Potato Bastard.

"I was carrying out our mission, you know, aiding in the fight against that Voldemort guy? Malfoy is well established as the son of a known Death Eater, so at least one of us being on his good side means we get inside information. If you'd paid attention, you'd know that was your job, but seeing as you instead decided to form a rivalry with him, the job fell to me," Germany explained with a vein bulging in his forehead – Having to deal with his brother usually resulted in that kind of stress

"Wow. You are so boring," Prussia said yawning, "C'mon guys, we have another prank to plan seeing as Luddy spoiled our one." And so, Prussia sauntered off, cackling Romano and apologetic Japan in toe, whilst Germany stood in the middle of the corridor, dripping with red…something, watching his brother leave and sighed, asking himself how he could possibly be related to such a dummkopf.

* * *

The Hufflepuff's were confused. Like, really _really_ confused.

There was a Spaniard in the Common Room, singing and dancing with literally no care in the world whilst his Italian friend was casually 'Vee~ing' along to the song. They really didn't understand what was going on.

" _I remember when we broke up, the first time, saying 'This is it I've had enough', cause like, we hadn't seen each other in a month, when you, said you, needed, space~"_ Antonio sang, swinging his hips to his imaginary beat of the song whilst Feli drummed his hands.

" _What?"_ Feli chimed in enthusiastically

" _Then you come around again and say 'baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me,' remember how that lasted for a day? I say 'I hate you', we break up, you call me, 'I love you'_."

" _Oooooh oooh ohh_ "

" _We called it off again last night, but ooooo ooo ooh ooh ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you! We- are never ever ever, getting back together! We are never ever ever getting back together! You go talk you your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me! But we are never ever ever ever getting back together_!"

" _Like ever_! Ve~" **[2]**

"Ohmygosh he's like so hot when he sings" One of the Hufflepuff girls, Kathy Zeller, said to her friends

"What an ass he has," Zachariah Smith sighed as he eyes followed Spain's hips, before he remembered himself as Susan Bones looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Did he break up with that Italian? The angry one?"

"Sounds it! And he sounds fucking happy"

"O- M- G"

The Hogwarts gossip mill was known for its ability to spread gossip far and wide within hours and soon everyone knew about the breakup between Lovino and Antonio.

"What?" Francis asked, confused. He'd given his Muggle Studies class a few moments of chatter to get on with their work when he'd heard the gossip.

"They broke up." It was a first year, Rose Zeller, talking "My sister told me! Antonio was in the Common Room singing about how they'd never get back together!"

"B-but l'amOUR!? DOES THAT MEAN NOTHING ANYMORE?" He cried and bolted from the class room to cry about it to Arthur.

Arthur was in the middle of his 5th year class when France came in, babbling about True Love and how nothing was sacred. He had to dismiss his class to try and deal with an apparently inconsolable France. For what? Arthur had no idea.

And then there was Romano in the Library with Prussia and Japan, planning their next prank that would actually get Malfoy.

"Ohmigod-like he's totally free for us now"

"Spanish guys are so hot"

"I'm not even surprised like, his boyfriend was so grumpy, the total opposite of him. He must have gotten sick of it! God knows I would have-"

Romano wanted to punch something because the incessant giggling and gossiping behind his back was really getting on his nerves and he didn't even understand what was going on.

"HEY! You three! Yea, what are you talking about?" Prussia asked, turning to the group of gossiping Gryffindors.

"Oh! Er, you know, how Antonio and Lovino broke up," Dennis said when his two companions said nothing. To his credit, Lovino merely looked at the three, confused, instead of over-reacting and creating a massive scene over what was clearly a misunderstanding. "Antonio was singing something about how they're never ever getting back together in the Hufflepuff Common Room!" At that, Lovi understood exactly what had transpired and went straight into bitchface mode, as Japan gave a small snort of laughter and Prussia looked at them, amazed.

"Wow," he said "You guys are even stupider than I thought!"

"No no, you guys misunderstand" Lovi said, shaking his head "Toni just really loves Taylor Swift" At that, Lovi gathered his things and fled from the library to find his fucking idiota of a boyfriend. Like seriously, how oblivious could the Spaniard be? Lovi sighed, he fully understood Spain's reasoning. Her music was too catchy. He'd deny it later, but as Lovi was running to find Toni, he was humming along to 'Shake it Off'.

* * *

Anyway, enough about Hogwarts! This is where shit gets real!

Here we find ourselves in Voldemorts Super Secret Lair 0.1 © with Lucius Malfoy cowering before the Dark Lord himself.

"Explain!"

"The family is named Kirkland!" Malfoy Senior said quickly, his voice shaking from the after effects of the Cruciatus and the general fear of being in Voldemorts presence (something Voldemort _really_ prided himself in being able to do). "They've existed since the Founders, but the family became hermits after the 50s, and no one knows why, they just know they're a powerful family who exist but don't interact with the world. Until recently. The patriarch, Duncan Kirkland, recently reasserted the Kirkland role in the Ministry of Magic, and he possibly has more influence than I do over the Minister of Magic. His younger brother, Arthur Kirkland, has just taken up position at Hogwarts as the new History of Magic, and he's in charge of some Transfer programme, with nine new students from around the world and three other teachers; a vampire from Romania, and the other two from France and Norway. Draco also says he appears to be on Dumbledore's side; he doesn't accept magic supremacy in his classroom and has hinted toward his own preference toward the muggle world. It's likely that Dumbledore bought him in help fight against us."

"Hmm," Voldemort mused "If they're from as old and powerful family as you say, they could be very useful indeed. Get a team working to spy on them and find out about their family! We must find some leverage. Oh, and dig up something on that vampire too."

Lucius disapparated after bowing and Nagini came to rest on Voldemorts lap. He stroked her head whilst looking into the distance, contemplating before giving off an evil laugh.

"Dammit I really need to make my laugh more menacing!"

* * *

It was a bizarre day for Hogwarts when owls begun arriving in a somewhat larger flock than normal, with many carrying rather large packages, being dropped off to the muggleborns and muggle raised.

Hermione, Dean and Lavender sat at the Gryffindor Table with their packages in front of them, ignoring the looks from the unassuming wizards, and sat for a few seconds, revelling in the excitement of what they were about to achieve. Lavender got tired of waiting very quickly, and ripped open the wrapper to reveal a floral box, which contained all her muggle essentials; her laptop bag contained her very pink Macbook (no one even bat an eyelid at the OneDirection stickers), her iPhone, her iPod, her iPod dock and her iPad.

"Someone's on the Apple bandwagon!" Dean said, looking at the Apple products she was borderline hugging with amusement.

"Oh shut up Deano! You're the one with an ugly Android!"

"Hey! My HTC is _fucking amazing!_ AND it doesn't have a restarting problem"

"You guys are NOT getting into an Android VS Apple debate right now," Hermione deadpanned, bringing out her lovely headphones. Harry looked on with mild jealousy; the Dursley's would never have bought him any of that, much less sent them to him at Hogwarts! And then Hermione passed him a laptop.

"Mum bought a new one for herself last week. It was either this or bin it, knock yourself out!" Harry gaped at Hermione before beaming. If he wasn't across the table from her, he'd have hugged her.

"What's this?" Ron asked, poking various bits of technology

"Don't pull those!" Lavender screeched, snatching her headphones back from Ron, who'd almost ripped them in half "My poor babies"

* * *

At the same time, all the nations were back in NERF's room, gathered for a meeting even though they were running late for breakfast. Well, most of the nations were there. England had the sense to flee the scene before he had them all at his neck

"It goes like this," Romania said, jumping up and down like an excited puppy "England mucked up the spell that made you all 15 years old and there a high change of puberty symptoms occurring, so have fun with that!" The de-aged nations erupted with protests and general screaming – America appeared to be screaming loudly in Japan's ear for no other reason than to annoy him, that is, until China hit him with his wok.

"Imbecile"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN PUBERTY?" Prussia asked, slack jawed "I'M TOO AWESOME FOR THAT SHIT! GERMANY DO SOMETHING!"

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"

"I DON'T KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE WHO FIXES EVERYTHING!"

"OH mon dieu" France sighed and cast a silencio on the bickering nations.

As the nations trumped off the lunch later that day, they didn't really expect much to come of it. Until they all witnessed the Spain-Romano interaction at the Hufflepuff table. More and more frequently since that first night in September, Romano found himself at the Hufflepuff table on account of Feli and Toni dragging him over, even when he made a point to sit at his own table. This breakfast in particular was awkward due to the assumption people still had that the two had broken up. Romano didn't even understand what was going on with these teenagers. He was, in particular, troubled by that one seventh year who was making eyes at Feli from the Gryffindor table, and naturally Feli was oblivious to the perv staring at him. Lovi however, was not.

"FUCK!" he screamed out suddenly, glaring at the Seventh Year "I SEE YOU VILLAIN! I SEE YOU WITH YOUR FUCKING VILLAIN MOUSTACHE!" Even Antonio, who was used to Romano's moody outburst, was shocked by this new development.

"Calm down, Lovi!" He said, looking concerned but Lovi looked at him with his eyes wide, not understanding why he felt so overwhelmed so suddenly.

"I'm under attack Toni!"

"Take a deep breath! Please!"

"I _CAN'T!_ I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't remember anything! You know, earlier, I went to the houseelves to ask for some pasta during my free period. You know I love pasta,"

"Yes, you love pasta…"

"But when they asked what I wanted, I couldn't remember that pasta is called pasta!"

"Lovi you're going to break something!"

* * *

Over at the Head Table, England was sinking himself underneath the table, whilst Romania had fallen off his table from laughing too much and France watched with the utmost attention.

"Is he quite okay?" McGonagall asked, eyeing the screaming Italian.

"Oh, you know, hormones," Norway said, blinking as he continued to eat. He was glad to see Japan videoing the moment. Denmark would love this, not that Norge was actually thinking of the idiot Dane. Ice, Sve and Finland would definitely appreciate it, at least.

* * *

And then Lovi noticed one of the Hufflepuffs reach for the panino he'd been eying since he'd sat down.

"OH you did not!" He turned his glare to the poor sixth year student "YOU TACKY – CHEAP WEAVE – PLASTIC TITTED WHORE! I SEE YOU! I SEE YOU!"

"Lovi!~ Please stop screaming!" Feli cried out, pulling him back from the 6th year who dropped the panino

"I'M NOT SCREAMING!"

* * *

 **[1] Only 10% of Germans view China's influence positively, with 76% expressing a negative view, making Germany, along with Japan, the country with the largest** **Anti-Chinese sentiment** **in the world.** **[From the Wiki page on Sino-German Relations]**

 **[2] We are Never Ever Getting Back Together – Taylor Swift. I'm Taylor Swift trash and give no fucks**

 **Kudos if you can guess this last scene too! I really do love incorporating TV shows into this ^.^**

 **If anyone has any ideas for what Prussia, Romano and Japan should do to Malfoy that would result in Prussia getting into lots of nice trouble with the teachers, feel free! I'm finding it a bit difficult to think of something funny at the moment :)**


	6. A Prussian Prank & Ron feels inadequate

**Chapter 6 - 12th July** **2015**

 **Marzue: Incredibly glad you liked it! Definitely had you in mind when I was writing it up :) Thanks!**

 **So the scene at the end of Chapter 4 (The Taylor Swift lie detector one) was from Brooklyn Nine Nine and the scene at the end of Chapter 5 with Romano PMSing was from Episode 6 of Sense8 :)**

 **Just FYI, endgame is all canon couples for the HP characters in this, even if it doesn't seem like it at times.**

* * *

Hermione was confused and she did not like this feeling. Frowning, she realised this must be what Ron felt like about 95% of the time; no wonder he'd get so angry at her! Shoving aside this thought, she went back to the source of her problems.

Those transfer students.

There was something suspicious about them and she just could not quite pin what it was. As far as she could tell, they hadn't explicitly done anything to warrant her suspicion, but it was just a strange feeling in her gut. That, and she was currently sitting in the library with her headphones plugged in, listening to the 'Narnia' soundtrack, watching Antonio and Lovino study. Well, Lovino was _attempting_ to study by the look of it, whilst Antonio was …eating tomatoes and going on about how cute the Italian was. At least that's how it was when she entered the library. But, when she reached a particularly quiet part of the song, she heard something that confirmed her right to be suspicious. She paused her song and pretended to still be reading as she listened.

"-may be a jerk but you're getting better, right? And you didn't have to suffer as much as you did during your civil war," Lovino was saying, acting strangely, well, calm. Antonia shivered slightly and Lovino rested a hand on his shoulder.

"You're right, as always Lovi," he sighed happily, ruffling Lovino's hair (much to his annoyance) "What would I have done without mi pequeño tomate ( **my little tomato)** taking care of me after Guernica." Lovino did not look happy, and said something about how he was never going to forgive the 'German bastard' for that. They moved on to something more general but that part of their conversation had been extremely interesting for Hermione, who quickly went to ask Madam Pince if there were any books regarding Modern European History.

* * *

Elsewhere in the school, Dumbledore was too musing the new recruits at Hogwarts. They were quite a strange bunch and absolutely not what he'd expected when he owled Duncan Kirkland, that fateful day in July. Of course, he didn't see anything wrong with the programme – it certainly helped to broaden minds! But he failed to see how Duncan Kirkland felt this was the necessary path to take when he received news of Voldemort's return. Perhaps it was knowledge of this that made Dumbledore so suspicious of these people – Ordinary 15 year olds, after all, could hardly aid in a fight against Voldemort. He would simply have to wait and see how this would play out – something he was not too fond of doing. Maybe he would get Severus, Minerva, Filius and Pomona to report to him about them so he could start working on integrating them into his plan. Which was hard enough as he couldn't seem to be able to use Legilimency on any of them.

Dumbledore gave a long sigh, and popped a lemon drop into his mouth. Truly, he found himself in a rather baffling situation and could not quite pin how he could use this to his advantage. This whole thing was giving him quite a headache.

* * *

Prussia was also thinking.

Thinking hard.

It was kinda scaring Germany.

"Bruder…are you alright?" He asks, looking at the albino who was staring at the wall intently. They (along with the rest of the 15 year old nations) had liberated an unused class room on the third floor as a sort of study room for themselves, where they could all hang out together because they weren't actually allowed in the others Common Room (something Veneziano had found out when the Slytherins had kicked him out.) "I haven't seen you think this hard since you were plotting to steal Austria's piano...Oh dear."

"I want to prank that Malfoy kid. It needs to be something worthy of the awesome me but I can't think of ANYTHING!" Prussia shook his head and frowned. How could something so unawesome happen? He was Prussia! The Most Awesome Country Ever ©. How could he possibly be having a _slump?_ He shivered. Just thinking of it was giving him the creeps. He'd normally have Spain and France to consult but France was being an unawesome teacher and Spain…well he was still singing Taylor Swift. Prussia sighed. Something would come to him. He just knew it. And it would be so awesome that the collective awesome that existed within the United Kingdom would bow to his own awesome. Yes…perfect. Now all he needed were Mattie's pancakes. Prussia sighed happily.

"I'm scared," America said, watching the blissful Prussia.

* * *

Draco woke up quite happy. Aside from having to deal with these godforsaken transfer students, things were going quite well for him. His father had the Minister of Magic in his pocket, Umbridge loved him, and no one believed Potter. Truly wonderful.

It was with these happy thoughts that Draco got out of bed, and got ready for another day of school, in which he could torment Potter some more. It was only after his shower, when he was getting ready to style his hair in front of his mirror that his day ended up well and truly screwed.

Down in the Slytherin Common Room, Prussia, Romano and Japan were sitting with their Potions textbooks, pretending to read.

Theo was actually attempting to do some potions.

Blaise was a little busy staring at Daphne.

Pansy was little more busy staring at her reflection in the glass.

All were distracted by the sudden, high pitched scream of terror coming from the fifth year boys dormitories.

Draco ran down into the Common Room like a mad man – his hair was neon pink and looked like a rats nest, he was half dressed, with his green pyjama bottoms and school shirt and tie and did I mention that his hair was neon pink? Cause yeah, that happened!

"Kesesesesesese." Prussia laughed, loving the overreaction on Malfoy's part. Romano too was laughing but Japan seemed unaffected (though he was taking pictures!)

"OHMYGODDRAY-DRAYWHATHAPPENED!" Pansy shrieked and ran up to him, looking over him quite uselessly. She then grabbed a laughing seventh year prefect and told him to magic it off. The seventh year prefect tried, he really did, but 'finite incantatem' just wasn't working and he didn't know why!"

"WHO DID THIS!" Malfoy roared and really, he seemed to think he had more fear and respect in the Slytherin Common Room than he actually did because no one was actually scared by this. Daphne merely raised an eyebrow before going back to making sure her nails were perfect.

* * *

Harry was on his way to Umbridge's detention when he quite literary ran into Professor Kirkland.

"Oof-Sorry,"

"That's quite alright, Mr. Potter," Professor Kirkland said, picking up his dropped books – there were titles such as _'Pride and Prejudice', 'King Lear',_ and _'The War of the Worlds'._ Certainly not any magical books. Harry shrugged it off; plenty of people read muggle books during their off time. Harry even had his own Spiderman comics. Well, not strictly his own. He stole them off Dudley, and Anthony from Ravenclaw was always willing to provide Harry with more. "I heard about your ah, clash, with Professor Umbridge."

"Oh, yeah well…" he trailed off, not entirely sure what he was supposed to say to him. Professor Kirkland looked down at him, strangely concerned.

"Be careful, Potter. That woman, well I'm not supposed to say this but she's a nasty piece of work. Don't go around doing anything stupid." Harry was confused, but nodded, feeling rather grateful that Professor Kirkland was so concerned. "I knew your father, he was quite trouble-prone, so I'm sure it runs in the blood." Harry smiled sheepishly. "Well, you had better be off, see you on Friday." Professor Kirkland walked away and Harry suddenly felt a lot more better about his detention with Umbridge – stronger, in a way. He was rather glad Binns had left.

* * *

Ron was moping and, in his own humble opinion, he had a very good reason to be moping.

His best friend aka Harry Potter aka the Boy-Who-Lived, was being moody and shouty and Ron was not a fan of being shouted at.

Hermione wasn't paying attention to him, which sucked because Ron kinda needed Hermione if he wanted to not get shouted at by the teachers for not doing his homework but noooo, she had to go off and do her own thing, not even thinking of him!

He couldn't complain to Harry about Hermione because he was being moody and he couldn't complain to Hermione about Harry because she wouldn't hear it! What, pray tell, was Ron supposed to do?

So yes, Ron was moping. And his brothers noticed.

"So ickle Ronniekins-"

"-we couldn't help but notice-"

"-that you seem a tad down-"

"-quite shocking, really!"

"-need us to prank anyone?"

"Maybe, throw them into a vanishing cabinet?"

"Provide them with a dodgy Canary Cream?"

"No," Ron sighed, cutting them off, "I'm just lonely." The twins exchanged looks and laughed. "No guys this is serious; I'm miserable! And like Harry's off being all moody and Hermione's ignoring me and it's like I have this pain in my chest and I know it's her fault that bitch…"

Fred and George exchanged looks and sighed, realising they were going to have to actually attempt to fulfil their roles as 'Big Brothers'. Fun.

"Oh my god, do you have a crush on Hermione Granger?" Alfred asked, his jaw had literally dropped to the ground.

"Oh my god Alfred, they're having a private conversation!" Matt had to drag the idiot American away from the trio of surprised Weasley's. "We have paperwork to concentrate on, c'mon Alfie."

"Awww Mattie! I don't wanna do paperwork! It just makes me feel bad for how much I owe China," he said, with an exaggerated sad face. Canada sighed.

"We have to, you know that,"

"Finnnneeeeeee." They sat in a quiet corner of the Common Room and did their first bit of paperwork since starting the term. Which meant there was a shit tonne to do. Procrastination, right? What a bitch…

Hermione walked in sometime later, and sat on the sofa beside Ron and the Twins. She seemed rather distracted, they noticed.

"What's wrong?" she asked, noticing the look on Ron's face.

"Finally made some time for me," Ron said, rolling his eyes. Fred and George wanted to face palm. Their brother was about as subtle as McGonagall wearing a bright pink robe.

"Excuse me?" Hermione said, not quite sure if she'd heard right.

"Well, you never seem to have any time for me anymore! You're always in the library and I'm only your best friend!"

"Ronald, I'm _studying_ and, as you've made it quite clear in the last four years that we've been friends, you have no intention to do so this early in the year, so forgive me if I wanted to spare us an argument! Can the attitude Weasley, you're acting like Garfield on a Monday!"

Dean and Lavender gave a large gasp and looked offended on Ron's behalf.

"Wait, what?" The twins asked, rather intrigued by this Garfield character and the reaction it had garnered.

"Muggle thing," Hermione sighed, rolling her eyes at her idiot best friend. Honestly.

* * *

Back in the Slytherin Common Room, Malfoy was still going through a crisis. Someone had even gotten Snape when they realised Magic just wasn't working on Draco's hair. Prussia was quite honestly, having the time of his life.

"FINITE INCANTATEM!" Malfoy yelled for the umpteenth time, prodding his hair with his wand, for the umpteenth time.

"Draco you ignorant slut, you've tried that already, fucking stop!" It was Daphne. She'd finally gotten bored of the entire situation and she stomped up to him. Really, she thought it was hilarious that someone was finally putting the ass in his place, but his whining was really grating on her nerves. How was she supposed to revel in the feeling of Zabini staring at her whilst at the same time, acting indifferent to the affection, if his screams and yells of 'my father WILL hear about this' were constantly penetrating her concentration. She looked at his hair closely and realised what was wrong. It was quite useful, having a muggle-raised mother, Daphne realised. She had knowledge of the muggle world and wasn't discriminated for it as her mother was still technically a pureblood. She just hadn't found out about her family until she came to Hogwarts! "It's not magic," she said and he gaped at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked

"Your hair was dyed pink. Not magicked. You just need to wash it out."

"Greengrass if I'm ever rude to you ever again-"

"Just go, fuck off," she said, scowling in disgust and resumed her place at the table, this time sending a sly wink to her admirer. He was so cute. Theo laughed at her and shook his head.

"Should have let him suffer," he said.

"He was getting on my nerves."

Theo wondered over to where the three transfers were sitting.

"I couldn't help but wonder how you did that to Malfoy, if you didn't use magic," he said, when Gilbert acknowledged his presence.

"I simply put the hair dye in his shampoo," Gilbert said, with a sly grin "So simple and no one even thinks that it could be anything else! Kesesese, I am so awesome!"

"Er, sure," Theo said, unsure what he was supposed to say to that.

* * *

Lucius Malfoy frowned at the delegation of Death Eaters in front of him. They were all bumbling fools, but they were all the Dark Lord had given him for his mission, so he had to make the best out of it. At least Nott had some sense.

"So you heard 'the Dark Lord wants information to blackmail the man who is usurping my influence in the Ministry and his brother, the mysterious new History of Magic Professor and decided to kidnap his sister instead?" The Death Eaters shrugged.

Malfoy peered over at the girl on the floor – she was unconscious at least. Maybe the Dark Lord wouldn't be as opposed to this development…But Lucius wasn't about to deliver the news, just in case the Dark Lord did not want to deal with the girl. "Crabbe, take her to the Dark Lord." It's really good to have lackeys.

* * *

Canada was drinking Maple Syrup with pancakes. The pancakes were good, but they were not _Canada Good_ and that was kind of sad. Oh well.

"Hey Mattie! MAATTTTTT! Kesese are you ignoring me Mattie? The awesome me? I am wounded!"

"Oh what, sorry Gil, I was daydreaming…"

"You're so weird Birdie, at least you're awesome!"

"Thanks?"

"What are you doing here, snake?" Ron asked, snarling as he took his seat on the other side of Matthew.

"I'm not a snake! I am way more awesome than that! I'm black eagle levels of awesome!" Ron merely scowled. "Anyway, Birdie, I need your awesome pancakes, my life is not so awesome without them and that kinda sucks…" Matthew blushed.

"I'll make some when we go home for Christmas," he said and then turned to Ron, frowning. "You shouldn't judge people for being in a different house to you."

"Oh how sweet, Birdie's defending me!"

America sat and watched with an open jaw.

No.

This was not happening.

No.

"LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE YOU PRUSSIAN BASTARD, HE'S STILL INNOCENT!"


	7. A Scandinavian and Germanic invasion

**Chapter 7 - 6th January 2016**

 **chapter**

 **L'Angleterre: No problem mate; I'm rubbish at romance and shit so the romancing stuff isnt gonna be that big.**

 **Guest: thanks, yea i know i'm using it for the humour, sorry you don't like it so much**

 **Thanks for reviewing guys:)**

 **Denmark - Mathias** **Køhler**

It was Norway's week to take the helm of the class.

He'd decided a few weeks back he did not enjoy teaching. He especially did not enjoy teaching purebloods. Sometimes he thought they were being deliberately ignorant.

A prime example of why he thought this was right in front of him in the form of Zacharias Smith - a fifth year Hufflepuff who had somehow, according to the previous Muggle Studies teacher, managed to retain an Exceeding Expectations grade for his last two years of work. And yet he maintained that a telephone was called a 'fellyphone'.

"Telephone."

"That's what I said!"

"No it isn't."

"It's basically the same thing, sir!"

Norway was just about ready to snap his neck in two but the thought of how Denmark would laugh in the idiots face before throwing his arm around Norway and dragging him off to get a beer and bitch about Sve and Fin (in a nice, brotherly way, of course). And Norway no longer desired murder.

Oh wait.

Norway shook his head and frowned.

He refused to believe what had just gone through his mind.

"Sir?" asked Susan Bones anxiously. Norway glared at Zacharias Smith and stepped away.

"A _telephone_ is a device used by muggles to communicate. Much like a phone call except there is no need to stick your head in fire. Recent developments have allowed the use of mobile phones- a more portable variation of the telephone which included the ability to text - instantaneous communication via writing - and the internet which we discussed last week. Smartphones are a type of mobile phone which feature incredible technological advances such as- oh-"

Norway stopped speaking and tilted his head.

His heart felt funny.

"Professor?" asked Hannah Abbott, standing up wide-eyed with worry as Norway collapsed against the table in front of them, clutching his chest.

"I'm fine," he said, struggling to get himself back to his feet.

Then there was another sharp pain that shot through his body.

And then Norway collapsed onto the floor, unconscious.

* * *

"SVE! Something's happened to Norge!"

"What? No way Denmark…" said Finland, appearing at Denmark's side in an instant. Denmark frowned at Finland's lack of faith in him(and that Sve had ignored him) and nodded viciously.

"I believe him," said Iceland, seemingly having appeared from nowhere. "Oslo is under attack by those magic people England told us about in August."

"Oh no!" said Finland, his eyes widening in horror "Sve! Pack your bags! We're going to Scotland!"

Denmark turned to Iceland, frown marring his usually cheerful face.

"Why didn't Finland believe me?"

"Because," said Iceland in a deadpan "You're an idiot."

And, well props to Ice because he wasn't wrong.

* * *

Umbridge was sat in her office, fuming.

It was that bloody Professor...Arthur Kirkland.

Oh how he'd had potential! A man from a pureblood family that traced its lineage back to the days of the founders! Very few people could still make that claim. How excited she had been when she learnt that a man of such high standing was to be working at Hogwarts at the same time as her - and how much more exciting it was that his brother had begun working with the Ministry of Magic.

Everyone in the Wizarding World knew of the Kirkland's and the power they held but few people had ever met them and no one since they'd gone into isolation. They were lucky to witness their return to the public eye. She was lucky.

Or she thought she was.

It turned out that Arthur bloody Kirkland was a muggle-lover! Oh how tragic! Had she such power...such lineage...she would never dare sink to that level.

And to think the man had found a way to allow muggle _toys_ within school walls.

She was sick of it.

Walking into the Study Hall to see groups of muggleborns huddled over that little square they called phones or walking around the corridors to see them with strings coming out of their ears! And those ridiculous headbands they wore...with large plastic circles for their ears…

And to make a bad situation worse, Fudge wouldn't hear a word against him!

"Now now Dolores," he'd said "Wouldn't want to upset his brother now, would we?"

And his brother _was_ a problem.

What she'd thought had been a blessing as the Kirkland patriarch made himself available to the Minister, providing more funds than even Lucius Malfoy had even, turned out to be a major obstacle in her path. Fudge had even begun to ignore her!

So of course! Something had to be done.

For the good of the Minister, of course.

* * *

Romano rolled his eyes at Prussia as he talked to Japan about the awesomeness of beer.

"I prefer sushi," said Japan, nonchalantly, much to the annoyance of Prussia. Because he had tried sushi before and had thrown up (the fact it had been cheap and well past its sell-by date _obviously_ had nothing to do with it).

"Well well well," came an annoying voice behind them. "Look who it is. Sitting in my sofa."

Malfoy.

What a fucking surprise.

"Does it have your name on it, child?" asked Prussia, making no effort to hide his distaste for him.

"Child? You're _my_ age! And i'll have you know that has been my seat since I first came here. I command that sort of respect, but of course, you wouldn't understand."

"Yes," said Romano " _You_ command that respect and not your father's pocket, of course."

As cowardly as Romano was, it had to be remembered that the mafia originated from his country. And this Malfoy kid was making him extremely angry.

Romano didn't often get angry enough to show his mafia side. But he was getting there.

"How dare you! My father-"

Malfoy was cut off as Romano shot to his feet, looking decidedly _evil_ as a purple aura Prussia and Japan had only seen come off Russia surrounded Romano.

"Your family is nothing on mine. You are pitiful and small compared to us. If you want to continue your sentence, continue. Just remember that I know over a hundred different ways to torture and murder you without being caught."

"Like you'd dare," said Malfoy, but he was clearly nervous.

"Try me," said Romano, with a manic gleam in his eyes and Malfoy's breath hitched as he felt a sharp blade prodding him in the stomach, having cut through his jumper and shirt.

Malfoy gulped and staggered backward, tripping on Prussia's feet.

"Kesese what a little bitch," he laughed, patting Romano on the back as he watched Malfoy run away from them. "You are so much more awesome than I originally thought Lovino."

Romano gave a little smile before his signature scowl came back into place.

"That felt good," said Romano

"They're insane," said Theo in horror, as he watched the two walk off together.

* * *

England paced at the foot of Norway's hospital bed.

He'd insisted that all Norway needed was some sleep in his own bed, that he didn't need to undergo all this...rubbish...the mediwitch was enforcing on them but he'd been utterly ignored.

Norway himself was completely fine now. Well, at least he appeared to be. As far as England knew, the attack on Oslo was still ongoing so Norway still had to be in pain.

"I do hope your friend is okay," said Dumbledore from beside him. England merely grunted before he was shoved to the side completely.

He was on the defensive as he jumped back up and looked around wildly, only to find that he had been victim to a panicking Dane.

"NORGE! You had better be alright!"

"I'm fine _Mathias_ ," Norway scowled.

"Oh No- er- Lukas! We were so worried!" Finland was fretting at his bedside, opposite Denmark, with Sweden trailing behind him.

"Y's," said Sve, looking slightly less aggressive than usual. Iceland stood next to Denmark hesitantly.

"We came as quickly as we could...big brother," said Iceland and with those last two words, all trace of annoyance vanished from Norway's face and he gave the tiniest of smiles.

"What is this?" asked Dumbledore, bemused "I was not aware anyone could enter the castle without my permission."

"The castle could sense what they were here for," said Arthur off-handedly "Of course she'd let in concerned family. We'd better leave them to it. We have Death Eaters to discuss- If they're expanding into Scandinavia, it's not good for us."

"Hm," said Dumbledore, nodding along whilst he questioned just how Arthur could know such a thing.

Arthur didn't think much of it a he thought about the scene before him and decided he wouldn't bring up the fact he'd seen Denmark clutching Norway's hand tightly, or that Norway had held on.

* * *

Hermione frowned and huffed angrily, shutting the book aggressively.

It made zero sense to her. Absolutely zilch.

Guernica, she'd found out, was a Spanish city that had been bombed by the Germans in the 30s.

Why would Romano have looked after Antonio after 'Guernica'? Realistically, she supposed something else could have happened there. Antonio, for all she know, could have been attacked there by a 'German bastard'. That, naturally, wouldn't be in any book she'd read. It'd be a plausible enough reason for Lovino to have had to look after him. But she couldn't help but think...

She sighed.

She was reaching. She was suspicious of them already so she was over-analysing everything she'd heard them say.

"Alright?" said Theo Nott, sitting on the seat beside her.

"No," she said honestly. The two had become somewhat friends during their Arithmancy classes together. Not that Ron knew. He'd have blown a fuse!

"Those transfers, right?"

"What kind of government employs fifteen year olds to do legitimate paperwork? I snuck a look at some of Alfred's work and _he's signing off Senate decisions._ It makes absolutely no sense! And if there was such a scheme, there'd be a record but mum and dad told me they'd heard of no such thing, even after having researched it."

"Yeah, something fishy is definitely going on. I swear to you that Lovino straight up threatened to murder Malfoy and Gilbert didn't even flinch."

Hermione frowned.

"Tell me about Kirkland. He's supposedly in charge of them, right?"

"Yeah I guess. I mean everyone knows off the Kirklands - they trace back to the Stone Ages and they're THE richest family in the country I'm pretty sure. There was some tension between Arthur Kirkland - our Professors father I'd assume - and the Ministry of Magic back in the fifties and they kinda just went into isolation and no one's seen them since. Which makes it really fishy that, at the same time, two of them have just randomly emerged. Duncan Kirkland has already usurped Lucius Malfoy as Fudge's right hand man."

"Hmm," said Hermione, frowning and pinching the bridge of her nose. "I don't understand."

"You're telling me," Theo snorted before shaking his head and pulling a book out of his bag. "Anyway, Arithmancy. Suppose it'll be less confusing than this whole thing."

"Oh definitely."

* * *

"Shit," said England. "Shit shit shit shit sHIT SHIT!. FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCKIN FUCK FUCK FUCKING BUGGER! BUGGER BUGGER BUGGEDY BUGGEDY BUGGEDY FUCK! FUCK ARSE! BALLS BALLS FUCKIN SHIT! SHIT FUCKIN WILLY! WILLY SHIT AND FUCK"

Then Arthur turned and saw America and Canada staring at him gobsmacked.

"Woah," said A merica,

"What do you want?" snapped England, turning back away from them and leaning on his desk. He had far too much to worry about right now.

"Well we were going to ask you to play soccer with us-"

"IT'S FOOTBALL YOU BLOODY YANK!" said Arthur, twirling around again and America flinched back at the totally unnecessary anger.

"Is something wrong England?" asked Canada meekly and England turned to him, anger slightly abating as he realised that he was being a a-class dick.

"Sorry," said England shortly, running a hand through his already messy hair. "I just- Ireland just called. North hasn't been around in a few days."

"OH!" said AMerica, with a wide-eyed glance at Canada "That's not good."

"Yes," said England "Obviously. Fuck me how does a nation just go missing?"

"She'll be around England," said Canada "Mexico disappeared for a few days once and he turned out to be with Portugal and Netherlands plotting to beat up Spain." England snorted at that. Ah such memories. But still. He worried.

"Thank you," said England. "So, you were saying about football?"

" _Soccer"_

"Shut up Alfred," chimed both Canada and England.

* * *

Back in the Great Hall, France tried not to notice the huddled Spain and Prussia in the corner of the Hufflepuff table.

It was quite obvious they were there. After all, Prussia was a Slytherin and the Hufflepuffs had made a point of moving away from them.

He really did miss being part of the Bad Touch Trio...if he'd gone as a fifteen year old he'd be right there with Toni and Gil. But no, he had to be a _teacher_ and deal with the exact type of rubbish he'd pull. And apparently he had to _punish_ the nations when they got too rowdy. God who did England think he was?

Whilst France was lamenting about the fact he couldn't join Spain and Prussia on their plan to what he assumed was prank England, the two of them looked over at him with manic gleams in their eyes.

"Oi, Francis~!" called Prussia, standing from the edge of the table "Your hair looks magnificent tonight"

"Why thank you Gilbert, you're too kind!" said France, flicking his hair over his ear, and missing the way Spain was trying not to laugh.

"You know what would make it look better?" asked Spain and it was then that France realised just how close the two had gotten.

Oh no.

"Guys…"

But the next thing he knew, both had jumped over the table and launched themselves at him, pinning him down to grab his hair.

"NOT MY HAIRRRR!" Francis wailed in anguish, unable to push his two friends off him. England was too busy laughing to do anything about it.

"Mr Carriedo, Mr Beilschmidt! What on earth do you think you're doing?" asked McGonagall, flicking her wand to get the two fifteen year old nations of their Muggle Studies professor.

"Having fun?" said Antonio with a charming grin that did not appease McGonagall one bit.

"This behaviour is unacceptable. Come to my office immediately."

The two laughed and high-fived as they followed McGonagall out of the Great Hall and England leaned down to Francis' side.

"Are you actually crying?" he asked, making no effort to hide his amusement.

"My hair," France whimpered

"You know, Antonio's side doesn't even look that bad! Merlin knows what Gilbert was trying to accomplish though…"

But that was not the right thing to say as Francis gave an even louder wail at the thought of what the Prussian had done to him.

* * *

"I don't know where you came from but at Hogwarts we cannot tolerate such blatant disrespect of our faculty!" McGonagall fumed "And that you two don't even seem sorry for what you have done! You assaulted a Professor!"

"It's only Francis, Prof," said Gilbert, rolling his eyes

"We're having...ah what does Arthur call it? Banter? Yes miss, it's just banter!" said Antonio and McGonagall scoffed.

"What rubbish. Especially coming from you Mr Carriedo, you have appeared to be a fairly amicable student thus far. I expected better. 30 points from Hufflepuff."

"Aw, they're not gonna be happy,"

"And you Mr Beilschmidt...well this is not the first time we've had words, is it? You refuse to cooperate in class, you insult students and now this… I WILL be contacting your guardians. Need you be reminded that you are a guest at this school?"

"Yes, of course ma'am," said Prussia, sarcasm dripping off his every word but McGonagall seemed appeased.

"Fifty from Slytherin as this is not the first time I have had to deal with you. Now back to your Common Rooms."

The two left, feigning guilt for their actions, before bursting out laughing.

"DID YOU SEE HIS FACE?"

"I think I saw tears mi amigo!"

"Francis is such a wimp, it's so awesome!"

"Who do you think she's going to contact?"

"I don't know, I thought Arthur put himself down as our guardians," Prussia shrugged but he clearly didn't care.

* * *

Dinner the next day turned out to be surprisingly eventful.

Norway was back, much to England's delight - he was decidedly the most sane one of the four of them. He didn't however, appreciate the four other Scandinavians who'd decided to hang around.

Denmark had already floated off to find Prussia and America and the three were talking about how awesome they were (Malfoy, barely a foot away from them, looked as if he was going to have an aneurysm).

There was a bang and the Great Hall doors were opened but no one could see anyone at the door.

"OWOW GO AWAY!" Prussia cried out all of a sudden and everyone turned to see a woman in a green dress whacking him with a frying pan.

"GILBERT YOU LITTLE SHIT, HOW HARD IS IT FOR YOU TO BEHAVE?!"

"ELIZAAAA STOP IT!"

"MY" *whack* "NAME" *whack* "IS" whack* "ELIZAVETA" *whack*

"What in the name of Merlin?" asked McGonagall, waving her wand to blast Hungary away from a cowering Prussia.

"Oh, don't worry about him," said Hungary rolling her eyes "He's got a strong head"

"Yeah, I've built up a tolerance to her unawesome frying pan," said Prussia sourly as he rubbed his head, much to McGonagall's horror.

"WHAT?!"

And then Austria stode in, Hungary having apparently rushed passed him.

"Oh not him," said Prussia, banging his head on the table

("See! He does it himself anyway!" Hungary defended)

"I will now express my anger" said Austria, a piano appearing from nowhere as he sat down to play Mozart.

"...I thought his anger was Chopin," said Prussia to Ludwig, who merely slapped the back of his head.

"Elizaveta… Roderich…" greeted England, having come down from the teachers table "What brings you here?"

"I got a letter from this school," said Hungary "About this idiots behaviour. So I thought i'd come here myself to deal with it," said Hungary, the picture of innocence. "I absolutely had no intention to visit my cute little Feliciano"

"MISS HUNGARY!"

"FELI!" Hungary cooed, her attention taken away from the annoying Prussian as she hugged her favourite little Italian. "Awww Roddy look how cute he is!" she squealed, pinching his cheek.

* * *

"Miss… Hungary?" said Hermione to herself, frowning.

"Isn't her name Elizabeth or something?" said Harry

"Elizaveta, she said,"

"Ha, who cares, look how hot she is," said Ron, awestruck, much to Hermione's annoyance.

* * *

Dumbledore was getting annoyed.

It was bad enough he had no idea about any of these students and now strangers were entering the castle on their behalf without his knowledge? Utterly ridiculous!

"I don't know WHY you bought them in," McGonagall fumed as she paced the length of his office and Dumbledore couldn't find it within himself to disagree.

"I asked Duncan Kirkland for help," he said simply and McGonagall rolled her eyes and glared fiercely.

"Fat load of good that was. What help can a group of teenagers even provide for the Order?"

"I don't know," said Dumbledore, plopping a lemon drop in his mouth "But I suppose we'll find out."


End file.
